Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
