just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
