is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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