just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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