She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
