She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
