I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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