yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
