Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
