I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
