Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
