You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
