he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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