I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Houston, we have a blender
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize