I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
