She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.