Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out