I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.