when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
