When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
