This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
