T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
