Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
