Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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