I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize