every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
