I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Randomize
