so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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