Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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