The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize