I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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