problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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