I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
