so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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