Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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