so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
