Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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