Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This house was built for laser tag.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
