You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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