that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
