You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
