I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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