the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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