Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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