I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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