I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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