I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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