No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
