I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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