Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
