Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
