the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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