upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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