Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize