we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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