so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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