Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
