the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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