Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
