brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
