Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
