forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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