WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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