So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
